“Effective Communication in a Loud Culture

Big Idea of the Series:

This three week seres biblically addresses the topics of both racial tension and gospel-centered reconciliation. It is no stretch to say that the issue of race has become a hot topic recently. This series looks at the different ways the local church can better reflect the diversity of God’s Kingdom, listen to those who are different than us, and pursue justice in all areas of

Big Idea of the Message:

Rather than burrowing yourself further into your opinions (or the opinions of people who agree with you) take time to listen to others about racism, discrimination, and reconciliation.

And We’re Still Talking

Communication is more valuable than currency. It makes the world go round because an inability to effectively communicate creates ill informed opinions and misunderstandings. Let’s clear this up, talking without listening is not communication, it is a form of bullying. Misunderstandings occur when there is a failure to actively listen to one another. People tend to listen to pick apart what you say to use against you later…they listen to run tell your business to others…they hear you without a real ability to help you…they listen at you but not to you….People talk with ulterior motives…people talk to bully others…people talk to manipulate others…people talk to impose their ideas and wills onto you…people talk to deflect and project blame while ignoring their hand in the hell they caused…people passively aggressively communicate rather than providing a clear path.

In this “woke” culture where people communicate through likes, post, insta, snaps, and tweets, there is no real communication. Our world is embroiled in racial tension even now in 2023. During these situations, it’s easy to find ourselves digging into our opinions rather than taking time to truly listen to one another. Maybe we say something like, “Some of my best friends are…” Yet, we often miss an opportunity for growth and reconciliation because we only want to express our opinion or share the opinion of an outlet that reflects what we already believe. How much more of a difference could we make if we took time to listen to one another? Instead of coming to the table to talk, we come to argue, fuss, and fight while all the while preaching respect and unity. Leaders try to communicate and lead all the while being degraded, disregarded, and disrespected those committed to following.

As a race, we seem to communicate during chaotic moments, not realizing that how you communicate in “peace time” is magnified during chaotic moments. We talked after Daunte Wright…we talked after Andre Hill…we talked after Manuel Ellis…we talked after George Floyd…we talked after Breonna Taylor…we talked after Tatiana Jefferson…we talked after Aura Rosser…we talked after Stephon Clark…we talked after Botham Jean…we talked after Philando Castile…we talked after Alton Sterling…we talked after Freddie Gray…we talked after Fanisha Fonville…we talked after Eric Garner…we talked after Michelle Cusseaux…we talked after Akai Gurley…we talked after Gabriella Nevarez…we talked after Tamir Rice…we talked after Michael Brown…we talked after Tanisha Anderson…we talked after all of this, and I hate to report that we are still talking…sheep disrespect the shepherd because of an office in the Lord’s church…we are still talking…power plays in the church…still talking…secret meeting and pillow talk…still talking…misogony in the church…still talking…members talking negatively and allowing others to talk about the church they attend…still talking…what they think everyone else should do but themselves…still talking…deacons desiring power because they have none at home…still talking…manipulation of older saints for evil reasons…still talking…people disregarding directives, yet they want people to respect them…still talking…membership declines while we talk…still talking about helping people but no help is insight…still talking about love but hating…still talking. The culture speaks loud, but through effective communication and a willingness to listen can quiet any loud room. #WeCantAllTalk #HaveToListen #RaceMatters #ComeToTheTable

Context of Proverbs 18 and James 1:19-20

Sometimes the Book of Proverbs seems to value nothing so much as appropriate words. This is because it views words as the index to the soul. By paying attention to what a person says (and indeed to how much he or she says), one can determine whether a person is wise or a fool. Words are the fruit that show the quality of the heart . A parallel structure is embedded in an inclusive (17:27; 18:4). Profundity, not verbosity, is the mark of wisdom. The metaphor in 18:4 describes the opinions of the sage as deep (i.e., rich with meaning) and refreshing, like a flowing mouth, but this is all but impossible for a fool (17:28; 18:2). An alternative translation of 18:1 is: “A schismatic person seeks an opportunity for a quarrel;/he rails against all sound policy.” Such one objects just for the sake of the objecting, even in a situation where silent acquiescence would be a mark of wisdom. Instead of wickedness in 18:3, one should translate “a base person.” The point of the verse is concrete and not abstract. In context this is not any kind of vice generally but specifically obnoxious and vociferous behavior. When a base person enters a discussion, the atmosphere soon turns sour.

The first section of James presents trials in their positive and negative aspects. Trials are to be seen overall as a ground for rejoicing since vital faith is required by God, and trials serve as its stimulus. Trials encourage a continuing dependence upon God and maturation toward the greater worship of God in the activities appropriate to faith in him. Wisdom is required for maintaining a vital faith relation to God and his Word. A kind of perfection is assured to believers who progress in wisdom. Great reward is promised to the believer who has great discernment for practicing pure and faultless religion. The practical admonition to be slow to speak follows upon reverencing the word of God that gives life. What is heard in the fellowship of believers should be speech formed by the present and active word of God. Here James introduces his concern with speech, that is, the tongue that functions so prominently in his letter.

“Don’t debate with those who live in opinions”

Senator Daniel Moynihan said: “Everyone is entitled to his own opinion, but not his own facts.”

Opinion is the medium between knowledge and ignorance, so we never want to dwell in the middle of people’s conversations. People’s opinion of you leaves you in limbo as it may not congeal with your own self image. The old saying is “You want to know someone better, just listen to them talk.” The reality is some people are products of people’s opinions that they made fact. The NIV version says “Fools find no pleasure in understanding but delight in airing their own opinions.” The word fool here is Ksil, meaning stupid fellow, dullard, fool; he hates knowledge; delights not in understanding; it is his sport to do mischief. The fool in Proverbs is assured an ultimately destructive fate (Prov 10:14, 21). This destruction comes in part because of his rebellious attitude (Prov 10:8).

Fools refuse instruction or discipline (Prov 15:5; 16:22; 17:10). Instead, they recklessly get themselves into trouble (Prov 14:16; 18:6). They are also arrogant (Prov 12:15) and untrustworthy (Prov 26:6). In contrast to the restrained speech of the wise (Prov 17:27), fools speak impulsively and argumentatively (Prov 20:3; 29:9, 11). There is a moral aspect to the fool. Job called his wife foolish when she advised him to “curse God and die” (Job 2:10). The fool prefers evil (Prov 10:23; 13:19) and rejects God (Ps 14:1). He rejects repentance (Prov 14:12), choosing instead to repeat his folly (Prov 26:11; 27:22). Fools tend to bring others down to their level (Prov 26:4) and should be avoided (Prov 13:20; 14:7).

Solomon contrast the difference between the foolish and wise by their ability to comprehend and accept that their opinion may not be fact or truth. Wise people listen and learn while fools find pleasure in hearing themselves and injecting their opinions where they are not wanted. In our modern culture where race is concerned, there are some who just want to talk, but there are some who talk for resolution. Fools live in fairy tales and opinions because they create their own narrative. When people start sentence with “in my opinion” then you should beware that their opinion operates on their own perspective. Many people shape their lives on opinion to the point where they become facts, then truth. The treatment of people is driven by opinion and not truth, and that is racism in its purest form, the hatred of another based on opinion and not truth. “People who find pleasure in listening to themselves talk will never value listening to you.”

People’s opinions are like rubber tree plants in office buildings; someone always leaves one.”

“Control the Temperature in the room.”

I n James 1:19-3:12 James shifts from instructions about life’s difficulties to pragmatic thoughts on the full implications of Fatih in Jesus. He addresses issues like poverty, the need to take action for Jesus, and the reason why believers should be careful about what they say.

Stephen Covey said; “Listen with the intent to understand, not the intent to reply.”

It is hard to listen when you are talking, or when you are thinking of a response. James sets the order of effective communication in a loud culture through suggesting that the better part is to first be a quick listener, then, secondly a slow speaker, and lastly remain emotionally balanced. James infers that everyone was to practice the discipline of slow or controlled speech. Yes, James did encourage quick action in 2:12, but here the quickness does not refer to acting but rather to listening. The word quick here is tachys meaning a very brief period of time, with focus on speed of an activity or event. What one can gather is that time is short to decide whether you listen or speak…In every conversation, there is a small window where a person choses between listening and speaking, and oftentimes than not people choose speaking over listening. What should the readers be quick to hear?

The Word of God to guide their lives: be eager to hear God’s word. They are to hear God’s word read and listen to instruction in the faith, to read the word and listen to God speaking to their conscience. However, the principle applies to hearing good thoughts in general.

They should have a general attitude of readiness to hear, although hearing the truth is included. They should be willing to listen to the opinions of others in any discussion.

The word slow here is bradys, meaning pertaining to an extended period of time, with the implication of being slow to do something. What does slow to speak mean:

They are not engage in hasty and ill-considered talking or reaction to what they heard.

They are to avoid speaking too much, since this can lead to anger, and continual talking interferes with hearing. They are to speak wisely.

They are not to speak in anger. They are to be slow to speak in anger.

They are to avoid speaking or teaching dictatorially or controversially. They are not to be ears to be the speaker or preacher before they truly understand the message themselves, since some engage in angry condemnation in their preaching.

The word speak here is laleo, meaning to speak or talk with the possible implication of more informal usage…the word anger here is orgen, meaning state of relatively strong displeasure, with a focus on emotional aspect, anger.

It is our duty rather to hear God’s word, and apply our minds to understand it, than to speak according to our own fancies or the opinions of men, and to run into heat and passion thereupon. Let not such errors as that of God’s being the occasion of men’s sin ever be hastily, much less angrily, mentioned by you (and so as to other errors); but be ready to hear and consider what God’s word teaches in all such cases. 2. This may be applied to the afflictions and temptations spoken of in the beginning of the chapter. And then we may observe, It is our duty rather to hear how God explains his providences, and what he designs by the, than to say as David did in his haste, I am cut off; or as Jonah did in his passion, I do well to be angry. Instead of censuring God under our trials, let us open our ears and hearts to hear what he will say to us. 3. This may be understood as referring to the disputes and differences that Christians, in those times of trial, were running into among themselves: and so this part of the chapter may be considered without any connection with what goes before. Here we may observe that, whenever matters of difference arise among Christians, each side should be willing to hear the other. People are often stiff in their own opinions because they are not willing to hear what others have to offer against them: whereas we should be swift to hear reason and truth on all sides, and be slow to speak any thing that should prevent this: and, when we do speak, there should be nothing of wrath; for a soft answer turneth away wrath. As this epistle is designed to correct a variety of disorders that existed among Christians, these words, swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath, may be very well interpreted according to this last explication. And we may further observe from them that, if men would govern their tongues, they must govern their passions. When Moses’s spirit was provoked, he spoke unadvisedly with his lips. If we would be slow to speak, we must be slow to wrath.

Matthew Henry, Matthew Henry’s Commentary on the Whole Bible: Complete and Unabridged in One Volume (Peabody: Hendrickson, 1994), 2410.

“Stay in Character for Righteousness Sake”

It was said:

“You cannot see your reflection in boiling water. Similarly, you cannot see truth in a state of anger.”

There is a difference between man’s anger and divine anger, and James is provided the contrast of these two by what they both produce. James connects the emotional response of anger to one’s relationship with God. Human anger does not accomplish God’s will of love, joy, peace and unity. Human anger produces the opposite of chaos, disunity, and hatred. The NIV translates this as “the righteous life that God desires cannot be accomplished by human anger. Only God can vindicate the righteous by his anger without becoming involved in sin.

A very good reason is given for suppressing: For the wrath of man worketh not the righteousness of God, v. 20. It is as if the apostle had said, “Whereas men often pretend zeal for God and his glory, in their heat and passion, let them know that God needs not the passions of any man; his cause is better served by mildness and meekness than by wrath and fury.” Solomon says, The words of the wise are heard in quiet, more than the cry of him that ruleth among fools, Eccl. 9:17.

Dr. Manton here says of some assemblies, “That if we were as swift to hear as we are ready to speak there would be less of wrath, and more of profit, in our meetings. I remember when a Manichee contested with Augustine, and with importunate clamour cried, Hear me! hear me! the father modestly replied, Nec ego te, nec tu me, sed ambo audiamus apostolum—Neither let me hear thee, nor do thou hear me, but let us both hear the apostle.” The worst thing we can bring to a religious controversy is anger. This, however it may pretend to be raised by a concern for what is just and right, is not to be trusted. Wrath is a human thing, and the wrath of man stands opposed to the righteousness of God. Those who pretend to serve the cause of God hereby show that they are acquainted neither with God or his cause. This passion must especially be watched against when we are hearing the word of God. See 1 Pt. 2:1, 2.

Matthew Henry, Matthew Henry’s Commentary on the Whole Bible: Complete and Unabridged in One Volume (Peabody: Hendrickson, 1994), 2410.